I miss the energy of this class. To me, it felt holy.
Or perhaps that is what I infused into my experience of it.
My question is: I serve as mentor to many people
in my daily life, but I have no one that I can call mine.
The Universe is nudging me to get one.
How do I find then approach a mentor?
Wow. Such a great question. Simple — on the surface, anyway– but for me, there are layers upon layers in this idea. Part of the reason it pushed its way to the top of the pile is that this has been a central concern for me, my whole life long.
Once upon a time, I would stretch out on a window seat and imagine what life would have looked like had I had been smart enough when I was a lost and confused 18 year old to head off to Arizona to find some magical shaman to guide me through. You know, some pure fantasy where in one short summer I learn all the wisdom that it has taken me these long years to learn the hard way.
Those meditations were such sweet escape. I could smell the sage, feel the hot sun, savor the wide wide open horizon– and my perfect, perfect beingness. How very perfect and wise I was.
Ahh, such is the beauty of imagination.
The truth is, I had no such guidance. Not ever. Alas, no. Most of my deepest learnings are much more like my old pal Pinocchio who had to learn from all the bad that results when you follow the wrong people down the alley who hold out promises of candy and good times.
And just like the wooden puppet who became a real live boy through love, my ungainly exodus from the belly of the whale carried me out on a wave of love and gratitude that has been my constant companion ever since.
Do I have a mentor? Nope.
Have I always wanted one? Begged for one? Tried to squish people into that mold and then be disappointed when they weren’t able to fulfill my very specific needs? Oh yes. Yes, indeed.
What I slowly came to understand is that we can learn buckets from books, people, teachers, guides, gurus, yogis, the cab driver, the kid on the playground, poets, painters and shamans but the only spirit who really knows all we need to know is the one who dwells within.
That’s right. Not so much Jiminy Cricket (though he was a fine fellow) but that ONE voice that is within us that most of us never listen to.
Be honest. We don’t.
Sometimes because we keep our lives so busy and filled with distraction that we can’t even hear it, but also in those times we have gotten quiet enough to listen and then reject what it tells us because we don’t like the answer we got.
In my experience, the truth my soul holds out to me looks quite a bit different than what my ego has decided would suit me best. My true path is often quite plain and devoid of banners, ribbons and bows. My true path often has me doing the thing that scares me, not doing the thing I thought I was going to do and all too often simply requiring me to sit in the discomfort of a moment that I would much prefer to bury under a fat slice of chocolate cake.
Which is not to say the bliss of my life that is visible to anyone who knows me isn’t real. It is decidedly real. It’s just what real pleasure looks like. And yes, it does come from doing the hard work of living with honesty and authenticity. Watching your thoughts, your words, your actions and seeking always to think, speak and live from gentleness and love. Not easy but the payoff is huge.
I will give you one example and then I gotta fly— busy day here at Squam HQ.
Yesterday I got an email from a person I had hired to change my front door handle. (Quick backstory: Things went very south and not only was I out a ridiculous sum of money ($500) I also didn’t have the right replacement and the person and I were in opposition. The kind of opposition that causes my stomach to clench and my body to flood with hot anger for being taken advantage of. The kind of opposition that a younger version of myself would have taken as an invitation to war.)
In the email, the person was going to come on Monday and take the handle away, leave my original handle on– and in their words, with no guarantee that the original handle would work.
Feel all the rush of anger, outrage, righteousness? Yeah, that.
So I sat with it. UGH. UGH. UGH. Think aggression. Think violence. Think kill kill kill.
Still sitting with it. Not getting any better. I go into meditation and ask for help. HOW can I navigate through this? I don’t want to be a doormat and let the person walk all over me. I don’t want to be the warrior queen who cuts their head and sends the bleeding skull to roll down the hill. Such a quandry it was.
What I KNEW was that I had created this situation. I did. This is my life, my dream, my drama, my movie. Mine. So why did I create this character to do me wrong? Do I have a deep-seated belief that people are “out to get me” to “cheat me” ? Ugly stuff that. Do I really want to face that? Do I really have a choice?
So I sit. Breathe. Ask for guidance.
And then, my inner guide suggested I send the following:
So I did. Releasing all expectation of anything. Taking the $500 loss as a very expensive lesson on how to (or how not to) hire contractors. Just let it go. I do not want to be at war with anyone. Period.
A few minutes later I got a response.
Before I even received that response, I was in full peace. Deep easy sweet peace. I had let it go. I had followed my inner guidance and done what was right for me and I haven’t thought about it since.
For me, this is beyond revelation. This is a way of living that blows my mind.
So Melissa, not sure I answered your question– not sure that I can.
But I know that YOU can.
Please look at your question again and see the statement smack dab in the middle . . .
I highlighted it. 🙂
photo: Denise Andrade-Kroon
*via Byron Katie