borage in my garden
Last night it took a long while to clear my mind well enough to fall asleep. I am a skilled meditator and have a good practice of keeping myself grounded, but dear god— I was taken to the very edge last night as the specific horrors of what the US government is doing at the border with Mexico and that this same government– of a country I was born and raised in — chose to leave the UN Human Rights Council. Well, combined with a host of other family and friends I am supporting as they go through personal challenges, it really cut me off at the knees.
It took me a while, but I did find my way back to center — to my truth– that we are all connected. When people act from fear with anger and aggression– that is their ego, their confused mind. What I have learned over the years and put into daily practice– following the teachings of people who speak to my heart such as Eknath Easwaren, Mary Oliver, Joseph Campbell, John O’Donohue and Byron Katie– is this:
defense is the first act of war
This is inordinately challenging — someone hurts us, shouts at us, attacks us, attacks our loved ones– of course we want to hurt them back, to kill them. But this is not peace. We cannot end war with war. And, if there is war in our heart– our individual, personal heart– there will be war in the world outside of us.
I didn’t invent this– it just is the reality of the human experience.
If we believe in non-violent protest, and I do, it must begin in our daily life– otherwise, we are carrying our angry, hurt heart onto the battlefield. And that, my friends, we have centuries of examples how that only perpetuates more destruction, more carnage, more suffering, more war.
Once upon a time, I did not want to be in this world. As a child of a man whose family fled Belgium the morning the Nazis arrived, the books in my house were all about WWII and the holocaust. I know I have written about this before– not probably the best stuff for an 8-year old to be reading– but the imprint on me was so deep. As a child, it was more than I could possibly understand so, mostly, it just bred fear and confusion in my heart. As an adult, I can’t say I know why the world is the way it is– but I do have more understanding about what I am to do: cultivate peace in my heart.
Not easy, but a practice I am committed to.
Thich Nhat Hanh says,
in the garden of my heart
the flowers of peace bloom beautifully
This is a man who kept connected with the divine while bombs dropped all around him during the Vietnam war. He was a young monk, but he was able to hold fast in this midst of unthinkable horror.
Chances are you are not reading my words with bombs dropping around you– chances are you are safe, fed, warm, loved. And yet, you can help the world if you bring your attention to the ways in which you are at war– with yourself or others. The ways your are unkind to yourself or others.
It is a wild thing to see how we can share so much with another person– the same DNA, a cherished hobby, a passion for the environment, a love of music– and yet find ways to be angry with them, disappointed in them– at war with them. “You didn’t take out the garbage when I asked you to!” “You hurt my feelings!” “You aren’t listening to me!” “You don’t love me!” Or, more often, directed at ourself “You are so fat!” “You didn’t do that right!” “You are not enough!” “Why can’t you be more __fill in the blank__!”
If we can be at war with people this close to us–
why should we be surprised when we are angry with the “stranger” who lives at the end of our street, or the “strangers” from another state or country?
I’ve shared the following anecdote before, but it really sums it up for me one single moment in our daily life– which is where we have the power to stop the war in the world outside of us. And these moments are all around us, all. the. time.
It was about 7:30 am — and granted, even on the best of days I am a slow driver plus I don’t have a job to get to so am not generally in a rush– so there I am, pulling into the bank parking lot which does not have another outlet– you enter and exit in the same place. As I pull in, it looks like all the spots are taken so I pause because if that is true, I will have to back up. Before I can back up, a guy pulls up behind me and lays on his horn while shouting at the top of his lungs “YOU FUCKING STUPID BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? FUCKING MOVE!”
Remember– it is early morning, so I am in a rather quiet place, internally– and, I had barely stopped before he pulled in so it felt shocking.
At another time in my life, I would have reacted with equal violence — shouting right back– telling him where to get off–etc. But that is not what happened on that day.
I laughed. And trust me– this guy was big, angry and pretty scary looking. I just couldn’t help it. I smiled at him and said, “dude, you don’t even know me. We haven’t even met– there is no possible way I am the one that caused this much anger.”
He gave me the finger, whipped his car around mine and drove to the end where he came face to face with the fence when he saw what I had already realized, he was going to have to back up. But I didn’t stay to watch that. I simply backed out, turned the wheel and headed down the street.
His violence and anger did not come with me.
I took the photo of borage this morning. Some of you know this is my ‘spirit animal’ flower– borage has such power to heal the heart and gardeners say that planting borage in your garden make all the plants around it do better. I love that image and I hold it close when things feel overwhelming and I can’t breathe.
Be the borage. Meet the world with an open heart. In the most beautiful advice from Saint Francis — no stranger to the healing power of gardens, animals and children —
may we be a channel of peace
where there is hatred, let us sow love
bisous, Elizabeth
I’m in tears. I love this. I love you. Thank you for being on this planet at the same time as me. xo
you + me babe!! XOXOX
Thank you for you peaceful words. They have helped to settle me this morning. We share the same teachers, as they and a few others also touch my heart deeply. Sometimes forgetting to turn to them, so in response to your words, I went and pulled them off my shelves so I could reach for them as needed throughout the day when thoughts become too heavy. I have tried to step back from too much of the horrible news while still trying to stay informed. Your words helped in my trying to find my balance. I am on my way out to work in my small vegetable patch for a while and try to maintain a level of equanimity and gratitude and peace. Peace begins within each of us. The borage photo is beautiful.
oh Carol– I am so happy I could help you connect back to your breath– things feel very hard right now– we all need all the support and gentleness we can get 🙂
So eloquent and resonant of what is in my heart. Deep gratitude for sharing –
May we walk this earth in peace
I am walking with you Michele– we are together on this good red road XO
You brought me to tears too. It is such a difficult time to feel peace and I admire your ability feel it and spread it!
ha ha! My niece is always telling me, “you make me cry” I don’t mean to– 🙂 but I am so holding space for all the tears to flow– they are necessary to the healing process– sending you LOVE
i love you you are golden i am golden we are all golden
ᛁ᛫ᚨᛗ᛫ᚷᛟᛚᛞᛖᚾ
YOU are gentle love– YOU are sweetness and light!! SO grateful that I have had the opportunity to sit in your presence. XO
I always wonder what you will write when there is a tragedy here in our country or society in general that must be addressed. What will your words and thoughts center on and usually I know it will be advising peace, calmness and contemplation. I often times wish I were younger and able to travel to these areas to assist in some small measure but in the end that is only a temporary assist. My feelings and perceptions run so deep and I just always want to help. Yes, tis true beginning with the self is the foremost place to start and slowly perhaps one day or century.. we will see that nurturing others is what it is all about. I have found that the more I am able to let go of anger at others or to accept the places that I do fit in rather than the ones I hoped I’d fit into, my life is quieter and I’ve come to savor my own quiet and peace. Glad I stumbled upon today’s post!!
yes, Judy– what you are describing is exactly my process– looking at places in my heart where I can hold more love and less resentment, bitterness or anger or disappointment or anything that holds me back from an open, loving heart XO
Oh, Bethie! Thank you. I love that image of the monk praying in the midst of Vietnam War bombing. I want to get to that level. Puts my petty corporate frustrations and lack of BF in perspective! XOXOXO
you SO got, it Katarina!!!!! YOU<-- are the spirit who connected me to this planet with love! YOU can bring love right into the heart of the corporate empire -- yes., you. can. XO
I am so glad I popped on your website this morning. I am in a place of despair and anger too about the horrific separation of parents and children taking place in our country. It just rips at my heart. I want to yell hurtful words and scream in anger at this administration. I can also feel the anger and the rage in my body, and this morning, after not sleeping last night, I am not just physically exhausted by mentally exhausted as well. Before I popped on to your website I was just thinking of taking my Madigan on a long ass walk. A long walk into the woods where I can feel centered and restore by balance. Reading your words, I started to feel my shoulders and body relax, and as soon as I am done with my comment I am going on my walk into nature, to play, to reconnect with a source of peace and balance out my qi. Thank you for your honesty in disclosure and your words of wisdom as they find their recipients in the ripple. Peace.
oh yes, me too! I wanted to KILL — I wanted to cause Trump and his cronies PAIN– but I had to see that in me and how that is doing exactly what they are doing– not easy to step away and shift all that energy but we CAN do it– long walks with dogs in the woods is the perfect tonic XO
You are beautiful. So good to read your words.
thank you wondrous spirit– I am sending you SO much love this day and every day XO
Thank you for this post Elizabeth. All of this has been on my mind so much lately but I had no way to sort it into anything making a semblance of sense to me. You have done that beautifully and helped me get a grip on the wide range of emotions I’ve been feeling about our country, the world and my immediate family and friends. So I am truly grateful to you for this. You’ve helped me gain some balance and perspective ??? BTW nice response to the angry guy. I hope to remember it the next time I’m confronted with an out of control anger not caused by me but directed at me. Perfect!
I hear it, see it and feel it. This flux in life where there is beauty all around and then at the same time humanity strikes you down with absurdity. This latest act is like the unfair treatment of Native Americans, racism, and internment camps, will the US ever learn from its poor judgement?
These same thoughts have weighed on me as I’ve recently reflected in my journal. Striving to find a balance in it all is the work (thanks to BK) and I find it also in my garden, in the smile of a friend, in the fragrance in my home and in the joy of my days in whatever form it arrives. I passed a construction sign on my way to work, the bright orange triangular ones with bold black text. The text was obscured and in my sleepy mind I read: DONT WORRY AHEAD when it actually read ROAD WORK AHEAD.
I love that flower, it reminds me of a blue poppy!
ha ha!!! yes, you know me– ever partial to those fragile blue flowers– SO much love to you Sherry thank you for sharing here– it means so much to me XO
I just began a new book today. It is called Enrique’s Journey by Sonia Nazario. I haven’t even finished the first chapter yet, but it is just what I need. I went to bed with the word “empathy” in my head. I, of course, was wishing OTHER PEOPLE would have some. But after I finished my book that I am preparing to teach this fall, I picked up Enrique. This will be my journey with him as he leaves his home in Honduras and travels through Guatemala and Mexico to the United States to find his mother–who left him when he was five years old to care financially for him and his sister. He was 17 when he left. He will help me with my own empathy. I am deeply saddened by pretty much everything, so a reminder to find joy and peace and love is always a gift. As are your words…always a gift. xoxoxo
love love love to YOU my sweet Megsie!!
This morning I wrote in my journal, “I don’t recognize this America.” It was followed by the beautiful realization that while there are indeed angry hearts in our midst, it has brought forth a wave of beautiful, loving, caring, giving hearts. Where there is an ebb, there is a flow. I choose to focus on the flow of strong compassionate hearts who are raising their voices in unison, reminding us of the goodness in the human spirit. We are part of that flow.
By cultivating a foundation of peace in our hearts, we can build a beautiful revolution.
yep— we MUST focus on the energies we want more of– it isn’t always easy– but we must at the very least have an intention of finding love, of finding compassion in the midst of so much rage and confusion. Even if we cannot find it in the immediate physical world around us– let us look within and cultivate it there!! XO
big big love to you Brenda– it isn’t easy to hold our light– but if we practice in the small, daily ways– we can do better on the hardest days. Sending you waves of ease and gentle peace
Dear Elizabeth – I hear you. And, I’m not sure. For my Black sons, for my Black friends, for my Native friends, for so many people – this *is* the America it has always been. For four hundred years white men have been ripping children from their mothers’ breasts, from the hearts of their parents and communities. It seems to me that revolution is inevitable. I cannot judge those who set fires or scream in defiance – in most cases I admire their courage. I have wrestled with these thoughts a lot, and have finally made peace with my willingness to fight for Justice, and to literally lay down my life in the battle for freedom. I have had so many privileges in this life, it is incumbent upon me to use those privileges to raise up those who have been oppressed. I do not judge you or those who seek peace within – but I cannot see how this will liberate the incarcerated, reunite broken families, or stop the daily murders of our Black and Brown sons and daughters by the police. I hope you know how much I love and admire you, Elizabeth – I remain open to hearing your response. ?
Dearest Andrea, I am so grateful for your courage and kindness. Thank you for sharing your truth with me. I am honored to be with you always. One of the things about this world is that we are each here on our own journey and though we may make choices different from one another, we are all connected. We are all love. I hear you on the rage and fury that rips through our hearts when faced with atrocity, cruelty, evil and ignorance. Believe me when I tell you I can’t think of a more normal response. What I was writing about here in this post that you are commenting on is my belief that if I give in to this reaction then I will be carrying that hate forward– and the change I want to see cannot occur because I am exchanging hate for hate. It’s the same energy. Yes, I am all about taking action, actively seeking change, supporting those working hard to make change whether it is with my time, money or friendship. My mentors in this are those who have generated extraordinary change in the world through non-violent protest. My daily practice is to choose to live without fear. In that way, I lay down my ego and know that life is ever lasting– we are not born and we never die. I am 100% okay with you loving me and not agreeing with me. I am 100% okay with you not agreeing with me and then falling out of love with me. I support you 100% in your journey– I do all that I can to live my life well and in the very best accordance with the principles I hold dear to my heart so that I bring no harm to this world around me. I do all I can to help others find their light within. I do not pretend to understand the world. I focus on the day and my thoughts and practice diligently to nurture awareness. I send you and your beautiful family every blessing. “For hatred does not cease by hatred at any time: hatred ceases by love. This is an unalterable law.” from the Twin Verses, DHAMMAPADA
Dear Heart, thank you for holding our differences, for holding our sameness, for *being* in your journey and making that visible. I honor your path. I believe that while our paths may be different, when they cross and weave together for a time, there is a powerful energy and love created/exchanged. I love you! ❤️
oh Andrea– you are so wise– in my mediation this morning I was reading from the Upanishads and the words are “Filled with Brahman are the things we see, Filled with Brahman are the things we see not, From out of Brahman floweth all that is, From Brahman all– yet is he still the same.” We are all one. As Nisargatta Maharaj says, “All separation, every kind of estrangement and alienation is false. All is One– this is the ultimate solution for every conflict.” thank you for holding me in your heart– sending you love always. XO
Dearest Elizabeth, thank you for your beautiful heart and beautiful words; I couldn’t agree more. I too have found that responding to hate with peace, kindness, and forgiveness is the best way for me to find a connection with another person I’m at odds with. Then through that connection we find empathy and common goals and can begin to make changes we’re both happy with. Thank you for sending your loving thoughts into the world for us all to benefit. xxxooo
your/my bracelet is on my wrist!!!– it heals me– and someday you might even get a thank you card– but just know YOU are WITH me always. XO