Like a woman who goes
to her lover’s room when he is not there,
I go to the woods.Like a woman laying her hand
on each of his possessions
and loving him all the more,I walk in the trees and touch–
pine cone, leaf, feather, husk.
Always a longing to catch sightof squirrel, badger, deer.
The forest pulling me deeper in
until the trees revealit’s not a glimpse of wildness
that I crave, but more like
one of those storieswhere the stranger welcomed
into the family home
turns out to be a fox,or the fisherman’s wife
after long years of marriage
proves to be a seal.Sometimes my need is
to lie down beneath the pines,
to curl, heart to earth.
Only the breath. Only fur.
“Pace” by Grace Wells
At this stage in the journey, I find that surprise has been replaced by delight. Where I once felt at odds with the discovery of just how out of step I am with established trajectories and traditions, I now revel in the clear, specific knowledge of those things that feed my heart a local and daily provender of joy.
Dang if I don’t start writing fancypants just because I have been burrowed into poetry until — much like a bee stumbling half-drunk around the pistil of a rose– I am decidedly loopy and prone to wild exclamations. I told you I was gonna be hanging out with Walt Whitman and the guy is an ecstasy walker bar none. Plus there are another half dozen volumes of poetry by my chair which means somebody has finally dropped into holiday mind and overwrought prose will most likely be the rather unpalatable and sorry side dish. Oh well.
Hey — maybe if you are lucky Santa will take mercy and slip a little Alka-Seltzer into your stocking. Never hurts to ask.
For the record, below is a quick recap of what holiday means to me vs more traditional definitions.
me not me
WEDS reading napping walking shopping cooking talking
THURS walking reading napping cooking talking eating
FRI sorting cleaning organizing shopping
SAT reading napping walking socializing watching tv
SUN yoga (maybe) feeling good feeling exhausted dreading Monday
Bear in mind that I LOVE to cook. It is in the top three of my most favorite things to do and I kind of am always cooking as a regular part of my life so it’s not part of my holiday mindset– when I say “cooking” above, I mean people are coming and an actual menu will be created.
Mostly, just reflecting on how the question I was asked most frequently last week was “what are you doing for Thanksgiving?” and when I replied “nothing” — the response was either pity or confusion or, a mix of pity with a hefty dollop of confusion. And, what has changed for me is that I no longer defend, explain or feel in any way ‘weird.’ I just don’t.
When it comes to doing what will actually make me happy I am a straight-up genius. And, as I type to you in the middle of Saturday– otherwise known as Day 3 of this exquisite five day stretch of holiday– I am feeling that it is quite possible by Monday morning I will be entirely rested, relaxed and ready for a new week and a new month. Boo-YAH!
Right now I must stop and take Oliver to the beach for two reasons. One, he has recently developed a most annoying habit of whining for what he wants* and he wants to go to the beach. Two, it’s a ridiculously spectacular day and being inside feels spiritually criminal.
So — apologies for the ramble. I think I sat down to say something but I have totally lost track of whatever it was so I’ll just share three things that brought good mojo to the past few days:
bisous, e
*Yes! Just when you think a 15-year old dog can learn no new tricks, out rolls this beaut.
I have experienced the same when I say I am doing nothing for Thanksgiving. It’s been a peaceful few days. It’s nice to take a break from the Holiday crazy.
amen, sister!! 🙂
What lovely weekend indeed! We have had such warm temperatures this weekend, that it hardly feels like December is around the corner. I DID host Thanksgiving dinner, but years ago I changed the trajectory by having dinner be at dinner time. That was the BEST decision. Guests don’t arrive until 5:00 or 5:30, and by that time I am ready. I have had time during the day to putz around, instead of rushing. We all hang out in the kitchen cooking and talking and moving in and out of tasks, so nobody is overwhelmed. And I stayed in my pajamas until 4:00! It was lovely. As were the roses on the table…my favorite. No shopping for me this weekend. No way.
Oliver just wants what he wants and he probably knows what you want too I hope that the beach was exactly the thing you needed today.
And just so you know, I am counting you as one of my many blessings that I am grateful for!
oh you are so smart!! see? dialing in those details are what make it all flow— LOVE that the weekend was so grand and YES to this lovely warm weather . . 🙂 smooches
I can so relate to this post Elizabeth. Always felt weird when people asked “where are you going for the holiday?” And I answered “ staying home….just my love and me”. It has been glorious the past few years to celebrate just with him. For many years the holiday was spent with family….I have a very large one….and it was always soooo draining for me. I’m an introvert so socializing almost always saps my energy completely and it takes a couple of days to feel like myself again. I no longer am embarrassed to say I’m staying home to cook, read, nap. I feel sorry for people who are so caught up in the “traditions” of the holiday that the true meaning of giving thanks is forgotten. Thanks for reminding me again that it’s ok to be different 🙏🏻💜
oh Brenda– THIS–>
“it was always soooo draining for me. I’m an introvert so socializing almost always saps my energy completely and it takes a couple of days to feel like myself again”
That is me exactly!!! and it is hard to go against the tide– I now simply imagine I am tall grass in the field and the big wind (of other people’s energies/expectations) comes crashing down the hill I go flat in total surrender– and let it pass by—- I pop up happy to be my floaty self doing what makes me feel best.
Lol, this is an amazing visualization. I’m going to try this next time I must be social. I usually just try to take many bathroom breaks ( alone time) and meditate for 5 minutes or so…this usually helps me deflect any unwanted energy.
XOXOXOOX
ooh, this like the olden days. i am an unrepentant fan of long-form blogging. i just don’t care for facebook, instagram, twitter, etc. etc. i want to read what people WRITE (and look at gorgeous photos.)
wordybird!!! how are your birds? SO lovely to see you here—- hope TX is still making you happy 🙂
just the one birdy – my african grey, pippin. he’s the light of my life. many days, he’s the only thing that keeps me sane. since the election, i’ve felt oppressed by existential dread. i’m old enough to remember the cuban missile crisis and asking my mom if we were going to die. what’s the 21st century equivalent of duck and cover?
anyhoo – texas is WAY too hot and too susceptible to dangerous weather. i’m hoping to retire in a couple of years and then i hope to be outta here. somewhere with four seasons.