Due to circumstances beyond my control,* this morning I had to cross the threshold into that place of bad karma, that cathedral to exploitation, that bastion of commercialism: the Wal-Mart. I was in need of a few giant plastic bins with lids (to store all the journals that I am putting down in the basement) and so I dashed in.
You know, to buy that ONE thing that I needed and get out.
Ha. cue Hotel California. NOBODY leaves with only what they came for. Is this not true? Or am I the only sinner amongst us? Also purchased: two fry pans, two tupperwares, one laundry basket and a small sauce pot.
My scruples were sorely tested in the mere 17 minutes I spent lost down the cavernous aisles desperately seeking an exit and, as a person imprinted by Catholicism before I was old enough to reject religion, my go-to will always be to seek some kind of confession.
So here we are! I trust you are all dressed in black and sitting in a dark cubby on the other side of this screen.
1. WIN: Chastity- yeah. Not really too difficult a challenge on that front.
2. FAIL: Temperance- You can stand in line waiting for a cashier and not grab a bag of Doritos to scarf down in the car? You are a far, far better soul than I!
3. FAIL: Charity – Fake Santa ringing a bell for the Salvation Army is not where I donate.
4. WIN: Diligence- YES. I did not give up. At times it seemed I would be lost for hours down endless aisles of crap that had been shipped in giant containers filled to the brim with crap and I might have dropped to my knees and wept for the insanity of it all– but I persevered and found the aisle of plastic bins. boo-YAH!
5. WIN: Patience- Indeed. I must admit to a hard-wired advantage here as anyone who has ever taught French to 14-year old boys has a veritable mountain of patience to draw upon when stuck in a line behind an octogenarian who needs to purchase her 38 boxes of ramen, in.di.vid.u.a.lly.
6. WIN: Kindness – I am all about the warm and friendly smile.
7. FAIL: Humility – Yep, feeling super proud of how virtuous I am.
bisous, e
*oops, that’s a lie — good thing Honesty is not a Virtue– it’s true, I could have planned better and found another option, but was too lazy <—- ooops! and there's Sloth!
Oh, Daisy, beatific Daisy and her non-judginess, I love her so!
And, wow, I applaud your ability to make those purchases in 17 minutes flat! Don't fret though, I'm sure all your daily rivery wanderings and sun-dappled introspection and general mystical activities will fill up the soul sucking actions of the behemoth that shall not be named (again). Xx
We've all been there… much as it pains us to admit it.
hahahahaha! My favorite post, maybe, ever!
Fantastic! No judgment here! And teaching French to 18-22 year olds was hard enough, so you have truly earned your stripes!
Sometimes ya gotta dance with the devil.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. That includes going to Wal-Mart. 🙁
Bridgemor
How funny! Traversing the retail maze in a mere 17 minutes is worthy of applause in itself. All the shiny objects usually keep me mesmerized for at least 45 minutes.
Rita
(In Arkansas — the state that brought you Wal-Mart!)
Love this!
ha ha– we can only hope– I do believe in karma so the more good I put out there the more I should have, yes? xo, e
I was kinda hoping that was the case . . . 🙂
oh not even . .you silly!!!
I never knew you were a French teacher, too! so cool– yeah, but there's challenge in every age group for sure. No doubt you have the patience of a mountain, too xoxo, e
ain't it the truth!!
yeah— there didn't seem any faster way — and we know the road to hell is mighty slick!
ha ha Yay for Arkansas– I never knew the birthplace of the Wal-Mart— and those were a long 17 minutes to me .. . 🙂
XOXOX
I am so lucky, I hardly EVER go to Walmart. (I have Target here.) (I do think it is quite similar, though.) (and, I should just hand the people at Target $100 when I walk into the store.) (If it is in parentheses it makes it okay, right?)
I think Target is the lesser of the two evils– or at the least, the prettier of the two evils .. hahah
Way back in 1961 Sam Walton visited Ann & Hope the original 'mart' of low cost clothing and household goods. He was so inspired he started – Walmart and felt he could do it better. Yes, little ole Ann & Hope of Rhode Island fame was the inspiration for the controversal WalMart. I googled Ann & Hope to make sure my memory was correct and I learned that the guy who founded Ann & Hope started it selling – ribbon – yes ribbon, left in the mill he had purchased. He branched out to clothing and then to all things we need in the home. Somehow this bring us back to Squam – Fiber Week – Ribbon,,,,clothing, sewing… small world huh?
that is WILD Judy! I didn't know that story and love the history!