Due to circumstances beyond my control,* this morning I had to cross the threshold into that place of bad karma, that cathedral to exploitation, that bastion of commercialism: the Wal-Mart. I was in need of a few giant plastic bins with lids (to store all the journals that I am putting down in the basement) and so I dashed in.
You know, to buy that ONE thing that I needed and get out.
Ha. cue Hotel California. NOBODY leaves with only what they came for. Is this not true? Or am I the only sinner amongst us? Also purchased: two fry pans, two tupperwares, one laundry basket and a small sauce pot.
My scruples were sorely tested in the mere 17 minutes I spent lost down the cavernous aisles desperately seeking an exit and, as a person imprinted by Catholicism before I was old enough to reject religion, my go-to will always be to seek some kind of confession.
So here we are! I trust you are all dressed in black and sitting in a dark cubby on the other side of this screen.
1. WIN: Chastity- yeah. Not really too difficult a challenge on that front.
2. FAIL: Temperance- You can stand in line waiting for a cashier and not grab a bag of Doritos to scarf down in the car? You are a far, far better soul than I!
3. FAIL: Charity – Fake Santa ringing a bell for the Salvation Army is not where I donate.
4. WIN: Diligence- YES. I did not give up. At times it seemed I would be lost for hours down endless aisles of crap that had been shipped in giant containers filled to the brim with crap and I might have dropped to my knees and wept for the insanity of it all– but I persevered and found the aisle of plastic bins. boo-YAH!
5. WIN: Patience- Indeed. I must admit to a hard-wired advantage here as anyone who has ever taught French to 14-year old boys has a veritable mountain of patience to draw upon when stuck in a line behind an octogenarian who needs to purchase her 38 boxes of ramen, in.di.vid.u.a.lly.
6. WIN: Kindness – I am all about the warm and friendly smile.
7. FAIL: Humility – Yep, feeling super proud of how virtuous I am.
*oops, that’s a lie — good thing Honesty is not a Virtue– it’s true, I could have planned better and found another option, but was too lazy <—- ooops! and there's Sloth!