Something I am trying to practice: when the inner critic voice sets about shutting me down, preventing me from pursuing a creative activity because, really why bother, I suck– I actively shift the focus of that critic to take a look around and focus on beauty.
I think I mentioned to you that I’ve been reading Beauty by John O’Donahue and it is grounding me and opening me in wonderful ways. (I had ordered it in through the inter-library loan program on a whim– and think I am going to have to purchase a copy of my very own). In one passage, he talks about the importance of this critical voice as it serves to keep us clear of illusions (i.e. difference between the true spirit world and our silly human crap) but that we have to be careful as it can be deadly when turned on the self.
Oh yes, we all know just how deadly.
And so– off I go into the world, trying to put into practice ideas that I get intellectually, but prove to be much gnarly when you want to actually let go of old beliefs and live by new ones.
As life would have it, there is an exciting project underway at the farm right now: they are putting in a new foundation under the sugar shack which requires that they jack the 100+ year old building up into the air.
Yeah– the metaphor is not lost on me.
And you know what else? It makes me see the building itself with fresh eyes. For instance, in all the dozens of times you walked past this hand-wrought beauty, did you ever notice the crafted bough detail over the front door?
Yeah, me neither.
Oh, the things we miss because we are letting our heads fill with the busy whirring of our incessant thoughts.
So that’s where I am at– walking a road without knowing where it leads, but trusting I’m headed where I am supposed to be and trying to enjoy the journey by focusing on all the beauty around me and not freaking out at the fact that I cannot see what lies ahead.
I look at the “not knowing” as exciting, like anticipating a really great present. Not knowing is all about perspective I believe. You can get all angsty about not knowing or you can acknowledge your vulnerability about not knowing and get excited about what adventures lie ahead. Not seeing what's down the road. Well back to the great present analogy. Think of the not seeing as carefully and purposefully unwrapping a really beautiful gift. You know something really beautiful is inside but you have no idea what it is. You got the right idea though when you say, 'trusting where your headed and suppose to be'. Trust you gut, your inner voice, it will NEVER lead you astray. Embrace your inner critic because I believe when you try to hold it back it just want to muck up you life even more. O' Donahue is right don't let the critic turn on you. It has its place, so let it know and take it along for the ride, it just has to be well behaved. If you ever have a chance read Thich Nhat Hanh's thoughts and perspectives on mindfulness and meditation. He just may help you notice more fully the crafted bough detail of your life. I apologize if I sound like a mom, my intentions is to be supportive and encourage.
Bridgemor
This was simply beautiful. You keep it real for me…and I'm so glad you share the beauty around you and inside you with us.
Not knowing what's ahead is half the fun. If the road you're on eventually doesn't quite fit, there's always a fork you can take.
Elizabeth,
I heard the most amazing show in WBUR yesterday. I tuned in about halfway through and was mesmerized by everything the guest had to say. I sat in my car until they identified the speaker because I simply had to hear more from this person – it was John O'Donahue.
http://being.publicradio.org/
Enjoy!
KathyB
E,
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I relate to this post so strongly. This line: “So that's where I am at– walking a road without knowing where it leads, but trusting I'm headed where I am supposed to be and trying to enjoy the journey by focusing on all the beauty around me and not freaking out at the fact that I cannot see what lies ahead.” – actually gave me goosebumps because I wrote almost exactly the same thing in my journal yesterday. It can be difficult to hold on to faith that we are doing the right thing, but it becomes a tiny bit easier if we have some beautiful things to distract us along our way. I'm so glad that you do! The farm looks like such a lovely place. i want to wander the fields someday.
these are truly stunning photographs. thanks for sharing them!
How refreshing to stumble across your blog and read these words! In recent weeks I've made the conscious decision to follow a new path, to open my eyes and not freak out 🙂 I'll be looking into that book you mentioned.
not freaking out at the fact that i cannot see what lies ahead. um, yes. yes. and yes. as usual your words are poignant, personal, and powerful. and oh boy, do they speak to me…