Here’s how I am seeing it today: I burned myself out emotionally (the dogs running off is probably what sucked the last drops of juice from the sippy cup), but then kept marching forward anyway– mostly because there was work to do. Fortunately, I can let most everything go and focus on just the one or two daily tasks that must get done and the rest of the time REST.
The pond has been a heavenly respite– heavenly. The only (rather endearing) annoyance is that when I am out on the float, drifting and relishing the sensation of the sun on my face and my fingers dangling loosely in the clear water– Daisy is compelled to dive in and paddle out to me. She is my little St. Bernard of the Pond. I am not sure why she thinks I am in such danger, but clearly she does.
Her little body paddles in circles around me and her eyes are both pleading and reassuring.
“I’m here now,” she seems to be saying. “You’re not gonna drown on my watch, but let’s get you back to shore now, m’kay?”
While she paddles around me, her breathing is both grunty and raspy– so I feel obliged to indulge her and together we paddle back to where the pond is shallow enough for her to stand up. Then she shakes off all over me and clambers onto the bank.
I, naturally, slowly drift back out to the center of the pond while she watches with great concern from under the rope swing. The next sound I hear is a loud splash as she dives back in and paddles valiantly out to me, once again.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
As I say, endearing– but also? Just go lay down and be a damn dog, would you?
So– after a great swim– we walk back slowly to the apartment– me wrapped in a beach towel, barefoot, dripping wet and supremely happy. Daisy rather exhausted and Henry bringing up the rear.
One thing I am now doing is picking up books from the library– I loved Three Junes by Julia Glass so I picked up two more by her The Whole World Over and I See You Everywhere.
Reading, resting, floating– walking the dogs is the biggest exertion I can handle right now– no yoga for a while, it seems. I’m thinking by next week I should be back to my normal self— at least I hope so. This laggy, draggy, saggy spirit is just not how I want to be. But, I have definitely learned my lesson this time and I am proud to say I have upheld my promise to myself that I would take on no more big projects— last week, I had a really big offering that everything in me leaped toward saying “Yes! Of course! I can do this! Great!” but then, I stopped and remembered how I said 2011 is NO– no more nothing nohow nada.
One year of nothing.
And so I declined— passed it on to a friend– and oh. my. god. Heaven. I felt such relief.
So, little by little, I am learning– learning a pace– learning to find my own creative rhythms and it turns out in order to truly have the time and ENERGY to pursue your creative interests— saying no, is every bit as important as saying yes.