ollie go-golly, the all love dog
On Tuesday afternoon around 4:30 pm, I finished a phone call and came down the stairs to take Ollie for a walk. I found him collapsed against the wall, making no sound– just looking up at me in a puddle of twisted arms and legs. He had been getting weaker the past two weeks and pretty much refusing to eat no matter what I offered him– only once in a while eating some small token something from my hand which I knew he was doing for me, not for him.
That was Oliver. Most loving, most patient, most forgiving dog.
I’ve lost track of time since that afternoon and have all sorts of things I want to write and share but it’s all so jumbled. I knew he was near the end and was in close contact with my vet, but still– I just can’t even.
I gave him a bath and got him settled onto a fresh dog bed layered with soft towels and he lay on his side, the only movement was his breath and heartbeat. In his perfect, wise way– he was in a spot where the late afternoon sun came pouring in over us. We sat there for a couple hours while we waited for the vet to arrive. The window was open because it was the first beautiful day we had had in what feels like forever.
So we just sat there together– breathing, feeling the sun– feeling the soft breeze coming in from the window above us. I know I am writing to you a couple of days later here, but I’m kind of a mess. There is a giant hole in my heart and I keep looking down expecting to see him right next to me. The hours since I found him are kind of all a blur. I am not sure why this is hitting me so hard, but I am gutted.
Ollie would have been 16 years old in September. He had been found on the streets of Detroit with his sister when he was about 8 weeks old– she found a home, but the woman taking care of Oliver already had four dogs and could not keep him. He flew out on a plane to Manchester, NH. I have so few photos from those early months. We adopted Henry a month later and it was always the biggest blessing that Oliver was the older brother because Henry had been abused– even at 8 weeks old– and was terrified of human beings. His source of comfort and safety was Oliver.
For anyone who is with me from the bluepoppy days, you will remember how wild these two brothers were. They lived large, that is for sure– getting into all sorts of escapades that had my heart in my mouth on one too many occasions, but always, they made it home.
When Ollie slept he was always kicking his legs– running through the forest after deer, moose, rabbit, squirrels– all the things he loved to chase with Henry by his side.
When they were four years old, we got Daisy– and thus, the brombie mob was born. Taking them for daily walks up and down mountains, across creeks, to the lakes and the sea. When we lived in New Hampshire, I could roll out the door and walk through the wild for hours, but when we had to get in the car to go somewhere they all raced to be first. They loved the car, loved road trips. Loved adventure.
It’s thanks to my dogs — well, I was about to say, that I ever explored the places I lived, that I walk miles every day of my life– but that’s only a drop of what it is thanks to my dogs– these three have been my greatest teachers, ever. And Ollie, my all love dog– most loving, most gentle, most devoted, most forgiving– has taught me some of my deepest lessons about patience, endurance and strength of spirit.
Some videos of the boy-o:
licking my feet (he was a very kissy boy)
kissing Colleen (yes, a very kissy boy)
He had such a fierce spirit– the vet kept saying that over and over as he left this world. And he did.
And now, the first of the brombies was the last to leave.
I have always buried my dogs, but with Oliver, I had a very different prompting. He loved nothing better than our hikes to the top of doublehead mountain where we lived and so, when I am next up in New Hampshire, I will walk that beloved trail and when I get to the top– I will sprinkle his ashes so that his spirit is always wild and free– as it ever was.
I can only trust that he is somewhere good and that Daisy and Henry were there to welcome him into the fold. Oh Ollie, thank you thank you thank you thank you for everything. Just know you were such a light in my life, my world. Thank you.
bisous, e
Such a beautiful soul and the whole brombie gang together again. I am SO heartbroken for loss. Huge hugs to you.
I know, there is comfort knowing that wild trio is united . . .. but I’m a mess. THANK you for the love. XO
Dave,
I’ve buried an old soul too.
I’m sorry but only time will heal.
You’re going to remember the good times, those not so good times,
And again I’m sorry…
You will still miss him.
Be strong. He was a good friend!
E
Ah, Elizabeth… Yes, I remember the dog days and tales from Blue Poppy. The photos. The camaraderie. Their zest for life and freedom.
You were so lucky to have them, but don’t forget, they were equally lucky to have you. Ollie’s circle of life has completed now, and he really had a beautiful, blessed life with you.
But oh this must be heartbreaking for you! Such a huge, huge loss…
oh Donna! yes!! you were there . . oh, your words are exactly right– thank you. yes, everything you wrote. thank you.
Just beautiful, Elizabeth. A beautiful life. Love you. 💔
LOVE LOVE LOVE you my magic spirit sister
Elizabeth ~ we’ve never had the chance to meet, but I’ve followed you, Squam, Henry, Daisy and Ollie for many years. My heart is so sad for you. Sending much love through these interwebs to you, and hoping your love and memories hold you close as you grieve. xoxo
oh, Tristen– THANK you for reaching out– it means the world to me. Sending you big love always.
<3 <3 <3
Dear Elizabeth my mother having 6 children would always say “If you don’t have them to cry over you don’t have them to laugh and love over.” The same goes for your beautiful dogs. Sending ❤️ Joanne.
a very wise woman– THANK you for sharing this comfort. XO
My heart breaks for you, I feel you. The song of the brombies is lighting up the sky. So much love to the four of you xx
oh Jo– I know you feel this– sorry to sadden your day but THANK you for the love and comfort
I have been with you since the Blue Poppy days, and I dearly loved and admired that golden glowing mob from afar. I’m reading this now with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, and I wish you peace.
oh hello there old friend!! thank you for your love and support– it means so much to me and I love that you loved that pack of rascals, too. Sending you all best XO
I wrote on Facebook too, but my heart is so full with so much for you. I hope you can carry him with you in a way that brings comfort.
you are so sweet Kelly– thank you SO much for your words of love and comfort– they really do help 🙂
My heart is breaking for you and for anyone who has experienced this type of loss. What a beautiful tribute!
oh Whitney– thank you so much– I really appreciate you reaching out– there’s no escaping the pain, but the support is truly a comfort 🙂
I am so very sorry.
thank you, Diane! xo
Devastated to hear of the sad sad loss of your precious boy. Through my tears I wrote ‘joy’ at first….. My heart is with you, dear Elizabeth. Sending so much love and comfort to you.
oh Sweet Jinny– thank you so much for taking the time to send me your love and comfort! XO
I am here sitting at my desk with tears streaming down my face; for you and also understanding what it is to lose a precious dog. They are members of our families and the loss profound. I do believe Henry and Daisy were there to greet Ollie. I will keep you in my thoughts as you move through your grief.
oh Stacey– I am sorry to have triggered your pain– but yes, you so get it– the deep bonds of love are real. and, I do hope you are right that they are all together again– XO
As I sit here spinning with one dog by my side. The tears are flowing, knowing the hole that has been created. You were such a good mom to them. I only hope my pack thinks the same of me.
oh Mona– I KNOW you are the best dog mama and they adore you. Thank you for reaching out– it means so much — big hugs– xo
Dearest Elizabeth,
I am always so happy when you post, but when I saw “Ollie” as the title my heart sank. I am so very sorry for your loss. I am so sad for you. I wish I could give you some comfort and peace, but I think only time will help. Your dogs–all of them–were so lucky to have you, and yes, you were lucky too. I feel lucky as well to have gotten to know them through you. I appreciate so much that you took the time to write here to let me know–and everyone else too. I am sure it wasn’t easy. I will be grieving with you…and sending lots of love and healing thoughts to you.
xo
Love,
Megsie
sweet Megsie– yes, you have summed it all up so perfectly– sucks to write it– but needed to share and you don’t get to share only the joyful walks and snuggles– I know you loved Ollie and the brombies, too . .. thank you for holding us all close XO
Sweet, sweet boy. Such a gentleman to wait around and be the last to leave. My heart aches for you E – sending so much love. 💔😘
oh, Stephinie!!! YES. You SO got it– that is exactly what he did. And he was SUCH the gentleman– elegant and oh, so gentle— I love that you got to spend time with him . . XO
What an epic love story you and those three had. no wonder you feel so scrambled and rearranged. I completely understand. my heart is breaking for you and loving you so much too.
oh Mindy girl– yep. A truer love story there never was. Thank you for holding us all in your heart. XO
You and words. You take me right beside you. Always.
Oh Elizabeth….I am so glad I got to hang a bit with you and your loves. Ollie was a beautiful spirit…you reflected each other’s hearts.
I feel your ❤️ from here. I love you. ✨✨✨✨
and we have that video of YOU with them forever– oh sweetness– thank you for walking alongside me in this. (ha– I typed “wailing alongside me”– ha ha #therearenotypos) 🙂
My heart breaks for you Elizabeth. You have lovely memories of your boys and girl. I believe they are together now running wild and free……always pups. I would be surprised if you didn’t take Oliver’s death hard. Sixteen years is a long time to have a canine companion by your side, being loved by him and loving him. Many healing thoughts being sent your way. xoxo
thank you for such kind understanding Brenda– you said it so perfectly. Thank you for reaching out and offering me comfort– it really helps. XO
Elizabeth I am so, so sorry for your loss. I remember the Bluepoppy days, and your stories of the boys running all over the mountain getting up to shenanigans. They aren’t ever really gone, so long as you remember them. But I know it’s going to hurt like hell for a long time. I’m sending you all the love I’ve got. ((hugs))
hello Chris! so nice to see a longtime friend– 🙂 THANK you for sharing in the journey with me for the good times and the hard times— THANK you for that big hug!! XO
Oh Elizabeth I could hardly read through the tears. I, like many, have followed the brombie mob adventures from your New Hampshire Blue Poppy days. They certainly were an adventurous bunch of love bugs. My heart is heavy for you. The bond we nurture with our four leggeds is indescribable, and you are right about the lessons they teach us; if we are in tune and keenly listen they bring us to ourselves. You’ve had an amazing journey with the brombies and I know they each hold your heart tenderly. From afar my thoughts wrap you in comfort as you grieve your loss.
hello old friend! they teach us everything– it is SO true. I love that you know this too– and I am so incredibly lucky on all counts– no doubt– grief is just the payment for all the love and joy I got to know with Ollie and the brombies . . I am willing to pay it in full .. . THANK you for taking time to reach out. XO
~ Dear Elizabeth, in lighting a candle for you & Ollie, I hope somehow my caring, loVing thoughts for you are carried on the winds & light, … sparkling near for comfort.
I’m so sorry.
HUGS,
Shell ~
thank you sweet Shell— such wonderful prayers– all that healing energy lights up the world– THANK you!!!
I am sitting here in tears for you. We lost our Bronson 7 months ago now, and like your sweet Ollie, he was the light of our lives. I am so heartbroken for you, and am sending you lots of love, lots of hugs, and a few prayers too.
oh Anita– I am so sorry for your loss of Bronson— it is a deep pain for sure— thank you so much for reaching out and I am hoping you are holding yourself lightly, too. XO
I am SO sorry, Elizabeth. Ollie had that gleam in his eye that had me smile often. Please know my heart is with you. Xoxoxoxo
thank you sweetest Eileen!! yes, he really was such a charmer– he had so much going on in that little noggin of his. Thank you for loving on him, and on me!! OX
As I read this I was crying because at this very time last year I was going through this. I have had many adopted dogs but Lola was the only one I raised from a puppy. I’ve said she was my soulmate and of all my dogs, she truly was. She talked to me with her big beautiful eyes and told me what she wanted with her barks of different varieties. Watching her suffer last year was the hardest thing especially because I knew I had a decision to make and just didn’t want to make it. But I had to keep picking her up off the floor when her legs went out from under. But most of all it was those eyes….they became vacant. The life went out of them way before it actually left her. It wasn’t fair and I knew she counted on me to do the right thing. I won’t say anymore….you have said it all so beautifully. The pain is unbearable and I still feel it but I also feel the love she left with me. And I will leave you with this….my husband and I were sitting in a bar crying and toasting her the next day. We weren’t talking, just alone in our thoughts. On the radio came the song “All My Lovin” and directly after that “Someday We’ll Be Together”. I was thinking….Lola I know you sent these songs but didn’t say it out loud….then Paul turned to me and said….Lola sent those. God Bless you, God Bless Ollie, and God Bless Lola….maybe they are playing together right now!
oh THANK you!!! Someday we’ll be together is one of my most fave songs!!! I love that I can now associate it with this beautiful story– I am so sorry for your loss of Lola– thank you for reaching out and extending me such sweet comfort.
Dear Elizabeth
My heart aches for you. I know the pups were your furry family and every one of them coming into your life (and you into theirs) was a precious gift. I have loved all the stories, photographs and adventures you’ve shared here and elsewhere. They were so loved and what more could any furry entity ask for but to love and be loved on this earth and beyond.
Sending love xxx
oh girlfriend! you are so sweet. THANK you. Your words really help because that is what cuts the deepest is always, did they know how much I loved them? And so I am gonna focus on them being together and having fun until I get to join them again– I love that you understand so deeply. XO
Sweetest Elizabeth, Reading your beautiful words for your beloved Ollie–Daisy and Henry, too–I cannot stop the tears, for even though I’ve only met your furbabies through your stories and photos, I know you and the what an immensely loving and giving person you are and what a wonderful, fulfilled life each one had with you. And I believe, because I’ve experienced it myself, that these precious loves of ours stay with us to watch over us. In the weeks after her passing, I felt my own Daisy cat hop on the bed and drape herself over me every night just like she always did. Ollie is there with you, loving you still, for you are so deeply connected by love.
But that doesn’t make his loss any easier, so I am sending you all the hugs, love, and prayers I can. And planting a Bleeding Heart at the edge of my woodlands in honor of your dear loves. xxxooo Kathy
Daisy cat! ohhhh, I am so sorry she is gone. What a hole in your heart– I understand that ‘ghosting’ sensation– we don’t even realize how energetically they are with us all the time– we feel them at our sides, on our bed, etc– until they are physically gone– but yes, they are in our hearts which is the only reality there is– right? I LOVE bleeding heart plants– so so exquisite– thank you so much for your kind kind heart. Sending you so much love. XO
I took a long walk today with my pup, Linus. He was tuckered from the heat of the sun and as soon as we hit the shady part of the trail he flopped down with his legs sprawled out behind him. It was time to rest. Without him I would never be on this trail as I would find something else to occupy my time. With him I am grateful that he has this innate need to walk, and I indulge him by taking him to places I truly wish to be. Wild places that have scents and surprises that bring a sense of calm. I’d like to think it is what he likes also as he sniffs just about every tuft of grass marking it. On the end of our walk he lifts his leg and produces what I call phantom pee. He’s emptied himself long ago. He rests well after our walks. I treasure the days with him.
Ollie always struck me as being in tune to the wild places. He had the strength and stamina to take it on, and a certain wild abandon to lead the pack into porcupine piercings. (!) He was a steadfast support through all of the changes in life and a true companion, dedicated and loving. I have to say there was a lift of spirit when I read that you will bring Ollie to his favorite spot. You’re following your intuition well. I hope these sentiments bring peace to your spirit now and especially when you make the trek up the mountain. Do know that we will all be with you every step. And certainly there will be four paws multiplied by three walking with you.
I was so delighted to find you blogging again, and sat reading you in an Italian cafe, here in Genoa, Italy.
And almost cried.
You write so exquisitely of your life. Even of the saddest things
I am so very sorry for your pain. So very sorry.
xx
oh Di—- how much do I love that my energy, and Ollie’s are with you in the sunshine and beautiful energies of Italy! what a gift for us that you would gather us to you there—- and THANK you to the moon for your (always) words of support and encouragement for my writing– I am currently working on two books and deep in the water where I am far from the shore I left and even farther from the shore I am destined to reach– and so having your words reach me today is SUCH a boon. I also like the idea it means I might have a sunny day in a cafe in Italy in my future, too. Sending you ALL big love– xo
Hi Elizabeth, what a heart rending story as an introduction to your blog. I found you via Di Mackey whose FB posts and photos I am following. I would like to follow your blog as well but couldn’t find anywhere to sign up? So hopefully this will suffice?
Thank you for putting in to words the grief of losing a much loved animal companion. Regards Fran
hello Fran! What a lovely comment you have left for me here– thank you so much and I love that you found me via Di as she is such a bright and beautiful spirit in this world– I don’t know how one follows blogs anymore, alas– and honestly, I haven’t been posting here that often— but perhaps we will connect again sometime? all best– xo