When we last saw our heroine she was comparing her bureaucratic woes to the battle of Waterloo, but it seems things have gotten worse. . . .
My friends, have you ever heard of Stalingrad?
Oh. My. Hell.
(And damn– whatever happened to my ability to be blissfully irreverent? Hmm? Is this a side affect of the aging process– because one-third of my being is fighting to rip down what I just typed because the comparison of an insignificant petty annoyance to the crucible of cruelty, courage and human suffering seems beyond the pale. But damn my one-third sensibility. I like taboo-smashing humor and I’m not creating any altars to warfare– so there you have it, an inside peek to my justification process– patent pending.)
At last count, there were eleven separate documents that had to be filled and processed in order for me to progress into that status of “legal citizen.” (Some of you may be gratified to learn that both dogs are fully licensed so in the event I am hauled off to jail for failure to properly process paperwork, they will be free to roam the streets and alleys of Providence seeking sustenance from the kindness of strangers.)
Eleven. That was um, three months ago and despite valiant, consistent efforts– I am now at, um– EIGHT that are still pending. The hell?
Seriously, if my paperwork was a skit from the Three Stooges it would make more sense– I send it out and five days later back it comes. One example that sums up what is happening across the board: the title to my car. I mentioned to you that I was all set to head to the DMV (and by all set I mean I had carefully scheduled the trip and planned for it) when it became apparent that I had stashed my title three years ago somewhere very, very safe. So safe that it can not be found.
Okay, not the end of the world. I call State of NH and they set me up with the form to apply for a replacement title. Done and dusted.
Except that it was returned because they show a lien on the title. And so now I have to track down some lovely Chase Manhattan customer service agent in some busy office in India to find proof that I indeed paid off my car lo, these long three years ago. Which I did. And now they are sending me proof– which I will then turn around and send to NH who will **fingers crossed** issue me a duplicate title so that I can then wait two hours in line to register my freaking vehicle.
Oh modern life— the good times we have together.
Yes. And that is just one of the eleven. And they are all like that– going out, coming back, wrong, missing, needing– and that would all be okay if all I wanted to do all day was deal with these silly legalities– but um, am super, crazy **excited** but exhausted but secretly thrilled but positively terrified with all the new and exciting stuff going on for squam which will launch a brand-new website in um, 23 days . .. eeeep.