Did you know there’s a whole lotta learning that can go on when you are in an absolute state of death-becomes-her? I was not aware, but lo and behold– there it is, one of the many bits of information I acquired in the past week.
Perhaps it is only when my small, closed mind that thinks it is oh-so-freaking-smart has been bashed like a soft cantaloupe that new ideas and concepts can find their way in. Perhaps we only get the lessons we need when we are going through the hard stuff.
Either way, progress has been made.
Things I have learned in the past week:
1. Things always feel worse when you are tired (<–doh!)
2. I can be way too hard on myself (see above).
3. Learning to receive is an art form unto itself (and requires daily practice).
4. You can only receive to the depth that you love yourself (<— damn, who made THAT sucky rule?)
5. Saying no, can be a way of saying yes to yourself. (I knew that one, but hell if I didn’t forget it).
And, if you are intent on holding to bad practices, sometimes your body will just jump in and administer the lesson itself. Case in point: yesterday, darling girl Natalie (daughter of my dear friend) came over to help me clean out the guff post-Squam, sort, organize, store–what have you.
As we finished loading up the car to head to the dump, I glanced in the side window of the car and was thinking “are you seriously going out into the world wearing those craptastic jeans, a t-shirt covered in muck, your unbrushed, wild hair in a pathetic pony tail and your face unwashed?”
Being distracted by that thought precisely as I yanked open the door to the driver’s seat to get into the car— I slammed the corner of the door into my skull. **
As I crumpled to the earth, keening, I clearly heard the calm satisfaction of the voice inside my head say, “are we done with the self-loathing inner dialogue?” Holy god. Uncle. Uncle. Seriously. A cadbury-sized egg on the side of my head with a pretty fancy bloody gash.
Do you know how CLEVER you have to be to actually whack yourself in the head with a door that reaches your shoulder?
God, I am clever. And I heard the message loud and clear.
Enough. Am done.
** to be clear: I was inches from taking out my eye. I could have lost my eye, it was that close.