Tif Fussell :: Portland, OR :: August 2018
Hello world!
If you are wondering what it takes for me to finally (finally!) get focused and begin sharing some of my scribbles and thoughts again– you can look to these eight women whose encouraging comments on facebook got me wanting to show up and stay connected with those loving souls: Lori Massie-Sprietersbach, Gracie Charms, Brandi Marie Little, Kirsten Becker, Teri Simonds, Candace N’Diaye, Shell Kennedy, Charlotte Elizabeth Jenner.
You can listen to the Morning on the Dock podcast HERE.
The sad truth is, this little blog became something of an obituary column in the past year– and I have been avoiding it since my mother is in hospice and I didn’t want to deal with what I know is on the horizon. And yet, hello life.
As some of you know, the way that I have found my way to be okay in this world of such stupid and awful humans — sorry, humans to lump you all together but you do have a pretty lousy track record as a group — is to follow Joseph Campbell’s lead: if you are going to say YES to life, you have to say yes to ALL of it. You do not get to pick and choose no matter the suffering, no matter the atrocity, no matter the heartbreaking annihilation of beauty and innocence.
That’s the choice.
And, having spent some time on the NO road which, for the record was quite a lack of good times, I have committed myself to doing the work of finding my way to YES.
Some days, it is super easy. Some days I just can’t even. But, that’s the road I am on–
above is a photograph of my current journal cover
So, this quick blog update is mostly to direct you to the podcast that is now live. On it, I may or may not be talking about:
- My recent trip to Portland OR with Tif
- Writing a novel
- The joy of your own vegetable garden
- The inevitable FUNK stage in any creative endeavor (including Life)
- How at this point in my life I am pretty much immune to any unkindness or criticism that is directed at me
- My current relationship to doing laundry
- What’s cooking in my studio
- What I’ve been reading
- My plant-based life
- How much I miss my dogs.
No doubt, this will be a mash-up of the above as each of those topics are tied one to the other and are part of the fabric of my current life.
Books I mention:
THE MARROW THIEVES :: Cherie Dimaline LINK
nonrequired reading :: WISLAWA SZYMBORSKA LINK
what is not yours is not yours :: helen oyeyemi LINK
WHEN I AM AMONG THE TREES
by Mary Oliver
When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.
I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.
Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, “Stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.
And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,
“and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine.”
bisous, Elizabeth
P.S. The way that I get into the water– be it a lake, river or the sea– is slowly. Very slowly. Then, once I am in– I never want to get out.
P.P.S. The hotel I mention where we stayed in Portland: Silver Cloud
So good to read your words again, Elizabeth, sharing your wisdom and inspiration. I loved Joseph Campbell’s lead in to life, to all Yes! But not always a journey of ease saying yes, but it is in the intention I think. And Lulu! OMG, forgot the LULU stories! The photos are lovely, as usual. Looking forward to listening to the podcast. Stay comfortable today. Peace and comfort for your mother, and to you.
Hi Carol– thank you so much– yes, keeping cool and comfortable– I am thinking of the plants and the animals so much– how are they making it through, I wonder– and ha! Lulu for the win!!!
~ hi Elizabeth, … I’m listening. ~
“Around me the trees stir in their leaves and call out, “Stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.”
The light is flowing from your branches, Elizabeth.
Thank you so kindly for sharing all that you are.
I have something to send you that I found particularly helpful when my little cat soulemate died in March. She was 15 yrs, and so beloVed.
Its a forward written by Kate DiCamillo for the 60th anniversary edition of Charlotte’s Web. I began reading out loud Charlotte’s Web to my dear cat when she was ill, … it helped both of us, I believe. (I often read chapter books to my sweet cat, … with Charlotte’s Web being a book very often read, due to my love of Maine, E.B.White, & visiting the area of Blue Hill-Brooklin, that he wrote about.) Among other titles, Kate wrote “The Tale of Despereaux.”)
Kate’s forward is a brilliant piece of writing, … and I’d like to mail to you. I unexpectedly found it and reading it helped with my heartache for a dear fur companion.
~ “The Believer” loVe!!
Shell ~
oh you are so thoughtful and kind!! thank you and yes, it is just hard losing our beloved animal companions– it just is. I love knowing you found your way through with such ease and grace!! XOXOX
~ I can hear & feel the sadness in your voice from loss of your special dogs. It is so hard. I also took a lot of Ignatia amara, a homeopathic remedy, and continue to do so. It truly helps with heartache. ~
… there’s so much goodness you’ve shared here, .. ever since my cancer diagnosis, eight yrs ago, I have become more & more plant based in diet. I’d loVe to learn. ~
Merci !! ~
~ p.s. * how wonderful to see your studio!! ~
ha ha! my messy happy place!
This piece here – if you are going to say YES to life, you have to say yes to ALL of it. You do not get to pick and choose no matter the suffering, no matter the atrocity, no matter the heartbreaking annihilation of beauty and innocence – keeps playing over and over in my mind! I thought I had grown to accept things as they come along, to realize that what is in front of me is somehow right for me even if I am not quite able to see it. But…. reading this the light got even more intense. We accept the whole deal, the all of it no matter how beautiful, joyful, full of ease it is or how very hard it is to navigate, how painful/sad.. we —- are all of it, the pleasing to us as well as the harsh. It is all a part of simply being, we cannot have one without experience the other. And,, we don’t get to choose the beauty that comes to us, we find it where we are and the same for the challenges, they find us and we find our path through them. Something profound just clicked in what I read in this post… It is like sewing, I don’t mind a mistake in my work for I know that it is a part of the whole and adds to its unique value – at least to me, the off bit is a piece of me too.. Is it then that trials of life add to our unique self value/perception and how we respond to them is a part of our growing tapestry.. one of my new favorite words to describe my life. Tonight while trying to find sewn quilt blocks, I came across a piece of wood, painted, papered, stamped, dotted, sprinkled… a few summers ago in a pile and it rather speaks to this.. a little paper girl so small compared to the flowers, tree, birds and colors all around her… ah.. there is a little blue heart in the sky! We are so small, but life around,, so very large.. I’ve not listened to the podcast.. will do soon. But,, I’ve got oh so much from that one sentence. I’ve carried trials around like a large sack dragging me to the ground, rather than accepting what is that is not about me but happens to fall in the way. In recent weeks, I have enjoyed morning coffee and toast on the deck watching a trio of hummingbirds flit back and forth for a sip of sugar water and gazing at sunflowers towering so tall I can see them while I am in bed. These are the graces I have and they came my way, I did not seek them. Accepting is a very powerful mode and one that I am growing in more each day!! To accept is to say Yes, to all.. Why,, thank you so very much
oh Judy— you are so deep on the soul journey– and so LIGHT– isn’t it so freeing– that small shift in our perspective and boom, the lightness lifts us. THANK you so much for your words here, your poetry– your generosity in sharing your journey as it helps all of us– the work you have done to get clear helps all of us. XO
Thank you very much for continuing your podcast. That made me very happy. I am looking forward to your books!
Love from Germany, Barbara
Barbara!! oh my gosh– this note from you makes ME so happy! Sending you big love– XO
I was so happy to find you back on my ipod this morning! thank you, thank you for sharing your thoughts and your heart. I am struggling a bit with social media lately (& therefore took a sabbatical-possibly permanent- from IG) so I am happy to be able to connect again with your sweet presence here. I look forward to maybe hearing more about your writing process, too, but regardless of topic I always feel that a listen to your podcast & a read here are well-worth my time & good reminders of my own self-care.
oh my gosh Beth!! could you be any sweeter?! (rhetorical!! 🙂 <---! because, no-- you could not!) Thank you so much for letting me know-- honestly, no way for me to know otherwise despite my mad powerhouse intuitive skillz. . ha! You will surely hear more about the writing as it is central to my life these days . . .. BIG love to you.
I was so happy to hear you podcasting again. How is it that we’ve shared a mutual and dear friend so closely for a decade, but we’ve never met? Atlantic aside, it seems strange!
I wanted to let you know how inspiring it was for me to hear you talking about all your dreams and hopes for the future. We’re the same age – ancient to some, babies to others – and there are days when I struggle with that. I’m about to start something that feels like an important strand in my life’s work but some days I find myself grappling with,”But I’m 55 and nobody cares. I left it too late to start.”
You’re right of course, it shouldn’t matter whether anyone else cares (although the need to earn a living is a factor). I need to tend to my own garden. Embody the beauty.
I don’t want to see women in their 50s proclaiming,”You can be 50something AND still hang with the cool kids!”, I want to see women of all ages thriving and taking part, so that their presence is no longer questioned or ignored. You’re doing that beautifully, so thank you!
I look forward to seeing where your writing takes you and maybe one day we’ll meet over cards, crystals and Cat, in Sus’s garden! xxx
Hello my fellow 55-year old!! So glad to read this– so glad to follow along with you on your adventures and yes, doing the things are hearts are longing to do is such a blessing. Sometimes, we can’t due to family obligations, etc but isn’t it cool at this stage in our life we have the freedom and good health to say– I am doing this until such time I no longer want/need to. In some traditions– men live their life, provide for their families and then, at middle age– they throw it all off, put on robes and head to the monastery or woods to pursue an inner journey. That is precisely where I am and I am loving that my sharing some of it supports you on your path. One day we WILL meet! for certain. XO
Your podcast feeds my spirit and encourages beyond. Thank you!!!
Sherry!! your COMMENT feeds and buoys my soul– THANK you so so so much! XOOX
Elizabeth, I was listening to one of my favorite poets this morning David Whyte, and came across this video he was in with Mystic Thomas Huebl. The statement below you wrote kept reverberating in my head…and I thought I would share this conversation with you. I hope it finds meaning with you.
……. if you are going to say YES to life, you have to say yes to ALL of it. You do not get to pick and choose no matter the suffering, no matter the atrocity, no matter the heartbreaking annihilation of beauty and innocence…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJkNqtlTCgQ…
BTW I listened to your podcast for the fist time! i would not have had it not been for the link so thank you for including it.
Take care,
Bridgemor.
oh so lovely! Cannot wait to check this out– thank you for sharing!!
Oh Elizabeth I love this format for the podcast! You sound so different…lighter, more confident, happy. I’ve been off the computer for awhile so I was thrilled when I saw there was a new podcast from you. I took my knitting out to the deck and listened. It felt like you were there with me and I didn’t want it to end. Listening to you is so relaxing. You are definitely not boring and I want to hear about your life….what you eat and don’t eat on the plant based diet, all about your novel, about your journeys..both physical and spiritual, books you recommend. I’d also love to hear about your journaling. How did you start and what do you write about (not specifics) but just an idea. I’ve started a journal several times and have always stopped. I’m not sure why but I’d love to know how you keep at it. Thank you for doing this again and for sharing yourself 💜🙏🏻
oh my GOSH !!! Brenda– you just rocked my world so big time!! oh my gosh– I do not even have words to tell you how this swept my heart up HIGH. THANK you thank you!!! Also– I will use your comments/questions here for a jumping off place next time I am chatting solo. XO
Elizabeth I forgot to include this poem in my comment but it too reminds me of saying yes to all of life..
THE BELL AND THE BLACKBIRD
The sound
of a bell
still reverberating,
or a blackbird
calling
from a corner
of a
field.
Asking you
to wake
into this life
or inviting you
deeper
to one that waits.
Either way
takes courage,
either way wants you
to be nothing
but that self that
is no self at all,
wants you to walk
to the place
where you find
you already know
how to give
every last thing
away.
The approach
that is also
the meeting itself,
without any
meeting
at all.
That radiance
you have always
carried with you
as you walk
both alone
and completely
accompanied
in friendship
by every corner
of the world
crying
Allelujah.
oh Donna! How you always share the exact thing I most need! THANK you so much XOXOXOXO
ahhhh! I needed a post from you today, when I was finally getting around to catching up with Internetty stuff. I miss your dogs, too. Extra hugs about your mom. 🙁
I know— you loved them good– had a really wonderful time with my mom– so things are as good as can be there– hope you are feeling ready for the next season XO
Oh! I am going to listen to your podcast SOON. I am over the moon to see that you are writing here again!
And, I am sending love to you…and your mom…and your angel puppies. I, too, miss them, but only through a computer screen. I know you have the empty nest. And YOU DID LOVE THEM GOOD! You loved them so good you brought people from across the world to love them as well. Hugs to you.