Today, and the next few ahead, I am showing up here because I want to fulfill this commitment to post every day in the month of November. Setting goals, staying the course, pushing through when it would be so easy to walk away with a shrug and say, who cares, why bother — it really isn’t so much the actual value or purpose of blogging (dear lord, you know me better than that by now) it’s the act of commitment, of follow through — of staying the course.
It really doesn’t matter what you commit yourself to – it is the act of practicing discipline that matters.
That’s where the bounty lies.
I’m pretty sure I could find a quote from Krishna saying this to Arjuna – but, given my copy of the Gita is upstairs and I have exactly 4 minutes left to type here — let me get back to you on that. In fact, it was last Spring when I was deep in the reading for my yoga teacher training that I really understood this for the first time, ever.
I have always been one to walk away when things get difficult. My reasoning based in some kind of belief system where conflict is not good, driving/striving can be incredibly unhealthy and you should only do what you want.
But let’s be clear. That internal code developed when I was an adolescent in a world that bewildered me. It was definitely a self-protective measure. You can’t lose a race if you don’t run it.
Like anything in life, competition has two sides. I grew up seeing and experiencing the shadow side of competition and so rejected it outright.
I am only now finding my way back to how actually signing on to push myself beyond what’s comfortable can have the most wonderful results. Of course, it can also really suck.
detail from “I will rise from the sorrow” March 2013
But if you keep showing up, eventually, things shift.
You know, eventually.
Yesterday the dogs got all their shots for the year and their vet check-up.
In the big picture of dog health, they are doing really well, but both are going blind and their hips are getting stiff and painful for them. Change is ahead. I know this. Painful change. And I am not ready.
I want things to be gentle and easy – without struggle and strain, Without heartbreak and grief.
And that is not life. That is not what we all signed up for.
So, if things are feeling sweet and comfortable for you this morning, I encourage you to sink even more deeply into that gorgeous state of being.
And, if things are feeling pinchy, hard, sad or confusing for you this morning, I offer you a hug and a promise that you can get through it.
That some days, it’s enough to show up.