It feels amazing to be home– so really good– but oh, how good it felt to get away and get perspective. That is what I needed, for sure.
I was struggling with the concept of ‘cabin fever’ cause that just wasn’t what it felt like was going on— I played with the concept of loneliness– maybe I’m lonely? I would ask myself– maybe this is what loneliness feels like? But the thing is– I really didn’t feel lonely– I don’t ever actually feel lonely– which, I know, is weird– but you know, whatever. Still, something was amiss and damn if I couldn’t find a word or a name for it.
But then, I rolled into Rozzy* where my sweet friend Tara had left me her keys under a basket on her porch. Gifts and treats were waiting for me when I got up to the kitchen. Saturday I wandered the city ending the day with an all-out luxury fest of a body scrub followed by a four-handed massage.
Sunday was Noel’s birthday so we met for brunch at the fabulous West Side Lounge and man, what a gift is friendship. Noel gave me back to myself. Sort of like a Peter Pan kind of thing where I had lost my shadow except in this case, I had lost my perspective on me. That whole friend holding up the mirror so you can see yourself thing– wow. That plus the gorgeous food and capuccino– the strolling through snow-laden streets of Cambridge with a lingering visit to the new Anthropologie store in Harvard Square– and yes.
I am home. Deeply awake. Deeply alive. Deeply connected.
And, damn– if it doesn’t feel so good.
And before I strap on my snowshoes and disappear into the woods– I wanted to say thank you to YOU for being here, for checking in on me, for listening to my inane ramblings, for the emails you send, for the beautiful cards and notes I receive in the real mail– for all of it. I feel your presence and your support and I want you to know it matters to me, it helps me and I am so glad you are there.
I hope that YOU have great friends in your life that you can go to, you can call on, who love you up good. Things get difficult for all of us although the challenges may look different– the core difficulty is there– and to have a friend cheering you on, shaking you by the shoulders to get you to look straight into their eyes, to bust a gut laughing as you trot out all your little fears and demons so you can see that, in fact, your fears and demons are hilarious– that, is a blessing on this earth.
May that blessing be showered on you tenfold.
*Rozzy = Roslindale