1. Try to refrain from offering a “viewing”. It’s a showing (unless of course, you intend to have a dead body on hand, in which case—I stand corrected).
2. Although you do want to grab a prospective tenant’s attention with your headline— it’s probably best not to advertise that “three of the carpets are very clean!” or “it’s a pretty safe neighborhood”
3. If it’s next to a park and has a fenced in yard, but you don’t allow dogs? It’s possible we’ll never be friends.
4. Please don’t post the SAME apartment on the SAME day over and over again but with different headlines or I might have to come and hit you repeatedly over the head with my laptop (which is made of titanium) and then kick you.
5. Do not lure me in by posting EAST SIDE on your headline only to clarify in the description that it is an “easy 10 minute drive” to the East Side. If you insist on this behavior— don’t be surprised when I pour black paint all over your lap.
6. Words like “spacious” and “charming” convey certain attributes. Please refrain from using them if you do not understand their definition. (NOTE: cheap 70s wall paneling has no charm, ever— to anyone).
7. Announcing that “don’t worry, this apartment is CLEAN” may put people off, I’m just saying.
8. “I will not scam you!” Um, please see above.
In other news, I live a rather quiet life. Case in point: last night my sister calls and we’re chatting and she asks, “so how’s your social life?”
Um, you know, besides my virtual on-line existence? Well– there’s me, the two dogs, Needy & Spoiled– and, yeah. It’s a rocking scene over here at the MV Studio.
But, maybe I’ll be in Boston this weekend? I have stopped making true plans due to the fickle nature of Lady Weatherbee– but it’s possible. I can’t say I have cabin fever– but perhaps a slight case of will-I-ever-wear-a-bikini-again?
Not that I would wear a bikini in Boston– but, you know, Key West?