My mom died on the second day of the new year, 2019. Her transition could not have been more peaceful; she was surrounded by family and left this world on her own terms, two months shy of her 90th birthday.
She was a very shy woman. And, I say to all you mothers out there– please get in front of the camera! I have so few photos of her– none digital on my laptop at the moment to share with you– am not at home where I could take them off the shelf– so for now, I will just use words as that is what she loved best anyway, though mine are pretty hardscrabble in the moment.
She read more books than anyone I know, worked for The Boston Post newspaper for seven years and it was the best job of her life. Gave it up to get married and have five kids. I have written about my mom over the years– and I am going to pull from that right now because in this moment I am wrapped in family time here at my sister’s home — feeling extraordinarily proud and blessed to be part of this five-pointed star with my two sisters and two brothers. Ironically, we are going to be going through boxes of family photos today– so I will hopefully have some to share of this most beautiful woman, my mother.
in November 2015 I wrote (click on link to read full post):
This is why I do what I do in the world. It begins and ends with my mother. I will not write her biography here. I will not focus on all the ways our matrilineal line is fraught with broken links thanks to a couple thousand years of patriarchy. I will share a few things.
- When I had a school assignment about a ship that sank in icy waters, my mother stopped mid-step on the stairs, railing in her hands, her eyes overflowing with tears, and told me how they sang Nearer My God to Thee. And then she sang it for me.**
- She had three babies in three years. Yeah, a two-year old, one-year old and pregnant. Think about what that daily life had to feel like. And then? two more.
- At a time when women were forced into the horror of drugged ‘twilight sleep’ during labor, my mother insisted on natural childbirth (she was the first to have natural childbirth in the hospital where she gave birth to her first child) and then was mocked by the doctor during labor for experiencing pain.
- My dad traveled a lot when we were growing up. A lot, weeks at a time – sometimes months. My mom had a full-time job and was the single parent to five kids when he was away.
- When I was Mrs. Claus in our second grade production, my mother went into her closet and took out her beautiful red winter coat, cut it down, sewed white fur collar and cuffs onto it, then had me wear it with the buttons down the back.
- When my oldest sister was a little girl, she and my mom were in a department store when a woman’s purse was stolen. My mom plopped my sister on a chair and told her to stay put, then she chased the thief down and caught him.
- My mother taught me how to read, how to play bridge, how to be discerning, how to be fierce at scrabble and she typed every paper I wrote for the six years of junior high and high school.
I could go on, but I won’t as my mother is an intensely private person and I honor that. And, because she reads this blog and I know any kind of praise or recognition embarrasses her.”
Motherhood is hard. It requires a level of sacrifice and heroism that is simply not celebrated as it deserves to be. I see the painting by Ramon Casas below and I think of the exhaustion, the chronic, constant exhaustion my mom had to navigate her days through.
And yet, as I wrote here for my mom she taught me so much through all the things she loved.
I’m beyond fuzzy headed in this moment and my words are not taking shape– so I will just say, if you ever came to Squam or enjoyed any of the offerings I created through Squam– you have my mom to thank. I grew up wanting to save her, help her, nurture her– none of which I could do, but my desire to help another woman find her way in the world ran deep within me and has been the driving force of my life.
My mother has left this world, but I take comfort knowing the goddess lives on, in each of us.
blessed be, Elizabeth
.jpg){kind=link}
Elizabeth, “I’m sorry” sounds so trite and banal. I lost my own mother 4.5 years ago and I know how cataclysmic it can feel. Yours sounds like she was a wonderful woman.
I have few if any good, recent photos of my mother… I too urge people to get the photos taken before it’s too late.
Wishing you love and peace xx
so glad she was you mom.
I’m glad she was your mom.
wrapping you in a big big hug your mom is so proud of you xoxo
Thinking of you and your family. This is a beautiful tribute – she sounds like an exceptional woman.
Beautiful tribute. All my love to you and your family. The image of her sewing that red coat for you will stay with me. She was a maker too!
She was amazing. I promise to remember her forever.
Your mom sounds amazing. Plus, she gave us you :).
Thank you
Thank you both for the continuing legacy.
I am so sorry, Elizabeth. Sending you so much love. Your mother was indeed special and a warrior woman. Love love love.
I’m sorry for your loss, E…but what a tender tribute.
So much love to you, and may the goddess live on…
What a beautiful tribute. I can tell you loved your mom very much. May your sorrow soon transform into joyous memories.
I look forward to meeting you this Spring for my first Squam, and sending a blessing of thanks into the universe for the opportunity.
Sending you virtual hugs. Your Mom was so very blessed to have you as a daughter.
Elizabeth
I am so sorry for your loss. Its a blessing and a comfort to look back and remember your mother’s love. I have been to Squam and have experienced your Mom’s love through your expressed love and it is a beautiful thing and something I am grateful for. Sending God’s blessings to you and your family.
Mary
Très touchée de ce que tu écris . Ta Maman a fait de toi cet être si lumineux et maintenant elle illumine le ciel de sa présence. Ta cousine Christine
What a blessing it was to have such a mother, and what a blessing she gave us in YOU. Sending so much love xxxxx
Oh, Elizabeth. I am so sad for you. Losing a parent is one of the very hardest things in life–especially your mom. The tributes you have written about her are proof of how great she was, and I completely believe you that she was and is the inspiration of your life. You are both so lucky to have had each other.
I am sending you peace and healing through this difficult time of grief. Love and hugs to you! xoxox
Being a mother, in the way that she was, must have taken immense strength.
5 babies …
And the beauty that is you.
Love, Di
And yes, you are of your mother. All the books, the so well written narratives, photos that cause one to sit and ponder, paving a way for others and yes a bit of wanderlust for self. We learn we cannot save our family members from their own walks, but yes we can choose to love our selves. For me it was via Squam and I know for sure that many can say the same. I am thankful to you, to your mom and the careful nurturing that you sprinkle on us…..
I miss you, so much.